


Potted Plants

by traceyourshadows



Category: Death Note
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor, Species Swap, Swearing, copout ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 21:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traceyourshadows/pseuds/traceyourshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few brilliant men awake feeling not quite themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potted Plants

When L opened his eyes that day, he was distinctly aware that something felt wrong. 

The first comparison that came to mind was the sense of walking around unclothed on a breezy day. For an unsettling instant, the brilliant, handsome detective had to wonder whether Light-kun had been unable to contain himself and had somehow managed to remove L’s clothing without waking him. L didn’t even want to know what else Light-kun might have done if such a terrible scenario was truly the case, but then he looked down at himself and found something infinitely worse. Not only was he lacking clothes, but he seemed to be lacking his limbs as well—and skin, joints, a torso, a neck, or anything that would be expected of a human being. 

L had somehow been reduced to nothing more than a shaggy-looking bush in a pot.

_Well, this is certainly unpleasant._ The sight mildly alarmed L, although he felt grateful that he at least still possessed the ability to see and think, and to feel, too, as was evident by the sensation of being naked that had first alerted him to this plight. 

He decided that the best course of action was to learn as much as possible about the situation while he could. It was possible that he was still undergoing a gradual transition of sorts and that he’d continue to lose his mental faculties and every last human part of him as this very strange day progressed, so if that was the case, figuring out what was going on and how this had happened needed to take precedence over all else.

L announced aloud, “I am a _bush_.” 

What an odd thing to be able to say. But, now he knew that he could speak as well; if he could somehow locate Watari, he would be able to explain the situation to him.

. . . although . . .

The detective-bush promptly attempted to move: to walk, to roll, to crawl, to hop, to do anything that would help him traverse from one location to another, but the odd tugging sensation he felt, as if he did have legs which were merely glued in the ground, brought him to realize that he possessed roots, just as any other plant did. L was no botanist, but he knew quite a bit about plants, including the elementary fact that uprooted plants generally died rather quickly. He decided he’d prefer not to risk death.

How _had_ this happened?

The light breeze today ruffled L’s leaves, as well as those of all the other nearby plants, so at first he didn’t notice it when one of the plants began rustling particularly loudly. The crisp sound didn’t catch his attention until when a hoarse cough accompanied it, followed by the words, “Ryuzaki? Is that you?”

Relieved, L looked towards Watari’s voice—but instead of seeing his aged caretaker, the potted bush instead laid eyes upon a finely groomed bonsai tree, also in a pot. But then L realized that there were a pair of eyes floating on the tree.

“. . . Watari?” L guessed. “You’re a plant too?”

“So it would seem,” the small tree sighed. “I awoke in this state about four hours ago.”

L felt the urge to press his thumb to his lips, but much to his distaste, he remembered that he lacked any fingers. “How odd. Watari, what did we eat before we went to sleep yesterday?”

“You consumed a cup of coffee with nine sugar cubes and a—”

A loud, startled scream suddenly interrupted Watari, echoing about the small courtyard in which the thoughtful bush and bonsai tree had been placed. The words “What the fuck?!” followed almost immediately. The voice appeared to be emerging from a middling _Theobroma cacao_ in a pretty brown pot a few meters away, its unnatural eyes wide and confused.

L deliberated for a moment, then called, “Mello, are you a plant as well?”

“L? What the fuck is going on?” The eyes swerved towards the bush. “You—what the hell? Did someone drug me? What—?”

“If you’ve been drugged, so have Watari and I. All three of us seem to be plants.”

“What the fuck. I must be dreaming.”

Suddenly a particularly strong gust of wind charged through, ruffling the leaves of the three plants. Then a tornado swooped down from the sky and carried the potted plants away. Mello swore loudly throughout the ordeal while Watari and L remained quiet. All three died tragically.


End file.
